Is romanticizing ‘Love’ a waste of time? If so, how do you go about telling the younger generation that it is a flawed concept?
What Is Romance?
It’s a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.
This is natural and perfectly OK.
What Is Romanticizing?
“To think about or describe something as being better or more attractive or interesting than it really is: to show, describe, or think about something in a romantic way.” — Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Please Be Forewarned
Please keep in mind that the term ROMANTICISM is used in varying contexts and can mean different things to different people.
In this post, I am stressing the Romanticization of love.
Expectation Versus Reality
The biggest problem in life is the image in our heads of how we think it should be!
“So learn one thing, that to expect is bad and that the world is not here to fulfill your expectations.” — Osho
How Best Can One Describe The Love Being ‘Romanticized’?
What better way I can explain other than giving some examples.
- Red roses.
- Unlimited showering of gifts.
- Intimate dinners.
- Not caring about the financial situation.
- Thinking nothing but the other partner 24 hrs.
- Neglecting your responsibilities.
- Dreaming of intimate moments.
- Watching the bright moon in the dark night with unlimited romantic passion.
- Candlelight dinners on your birthdays/anniversaries.
- Overacting on the birthdays of the other partner.
- Nonstop conversation on the phone with the other partner.
And remember, these things are not permanent which either you cherish or regret or forget as time passes and you try to move on…
What Is Wrong In The Above Activities? Is This A Crime?
My friend, did I ever say so? Read further…
Romanticizing love results in expectations, followed by disappointments resulting in dejection even rejection!
This is because your fantasy is soon replaced by the reality of life.
At this point, lust has to get converted to unconditional love …an impossible task!
Now it’s your time to think deeply.
Are We Not Idealizing The Sacred Love?
Yes. Most of us are guilty and to be ashamed of.
We also know that ‘Love’ is the most powerful emotion in human life.
And idealizing love leads to toxic relationships, which we all experienced over time.
Do You Know Why We Romanticize Love?
We romanticize love because we were deeply influenced by:
- Books on eternal love stories.
- Grandma tales.
- Movies of fairy tales and the characteristic notion of ‘Lived happily forever’ syndrome.
- Romantic TV soap operas adding their bit of spice.
- Too many poetic quotes /cinema writers quotes.
Romantic quotes do have a tremendous influence on the tender age; some examples of them are:
“Sometimes my eyes get jealous of my heart. Because you always remain close to my heart and far from my eyes.” — Unknown
“If I had to choose between breathing and loving you I would use my last breath to tell you I love you.” — DeAnna Anderson
“Can I curl up in your arms and let the beat of your heart soothe me to sleep? because that sounds absolutely lovely.” — Unknown
Is Romanticism Ingrained In Us?
The answer is ‘YES.’
The problem with us is that romanticization gets ingrained in our brains from the age of 8, based on the 6 reasons that I mentioned above.
- The ingrained romantic beliefs and ‘love’ conquers all statements etc. results in the ‘conditioning’ of the people.
- The mentality of possessiveness takes the upper hand.
- Unhealthy competitions start taking shape.
Do I Mean To Say That There Is A Template For Romanticizing The Love?
Yes. It’s there. Recheck the template with the 6 points I mentioned above.
How Does The Template Encourage You?
In romanticism, you believe that true love means ‘acceptance’ and you expect your partner to be all in one (Lover, partner, soulmate, friend, caretaker, financier, accountant, housekeeper, entertainer …whatnot).
Humanly, it’s impossible to be an all-in-one!
You start demanding things.
Do You Know The Difference Between Romantic Love And Romantic Expectations?
Romantic beliefs are ingrained in you via culture/stories etc. from the age of 8 years.
In romantic expectation, one partner expects the other partner to change their behaviour and become the person they wish and thus the starting point of friction between the partners.
These fairy tales and romantic novels taking you nowhere and soon you realize that your ‘Life’ is frank with you and stares at you menacingly without hesitation!
Is Romanticizing ‘Love’ Worthy Of Your Time?
I know you are aghast with this query. Calm down. Think, think, think.
The so-called ‘Romantic love’ is nothing but fulfilling the body’s needs.
Romanticizing ‘Love’ is a bad idea.
Believe in me if I say, “Love has been commercialized!”
Don’t get excited over the ‘Soulmate’ theory.
Do You Believe In True Love?
“Believe me, I’ve had five divorces. Do you know what five divorces are? Five times I believed in love.” — Berlin, Money Heist
What Happens When You Romanticize?
Are you familiar with the concept of a mirage? If you aren’t, I will put it into simple English for you; it’s an unrealistic hope that can’t be achieved. Understood?
“When someone is in love, they look through rose-tinted glasses. Everything’s wonderful. They transform into a soft teddy bear that’s smiling all the time.” — Professor in Money Heist
Why Don’t You Realize That ‘Romantic Love’ In Most Of The Situations End In A One-Sided Affair?
Initially, all is good and heavenly and once you indulge in romanticizing …all hell breaks loose!
“In the end, love is a good reason for everything to fall apart.” — Tokyo in Money Heist
What Is The Difference Between The Love And The Beloved?
“In matters of the heart, there is the lover and the beloved. The lover lives with passion, full commitment, and romanticism. The beloved is limited to being idolized.” — Palermo in Money Heist
What Is It That I Am Trying To Imply Here?
If you want to fall in love, go right ahead (There is nothing wrong with that).
The stage is all yours, but remember not to romanticize love because it would lead to you being disappointed and heartbroken.
Where Are Things Going Wrong?
My friend, failure pertaining to the matters of love, happens at one time or another; this is the nature of humans (You are wasting your time if you want to disprove this fact).
Humans are the most selfish lot and are full of deception.
The love they show is temporary and they may not even know or realize that it’s temporary. People change. Times change. Priorities change.
The problem with romanticizing love is that it leads to expectation and it is at this point that the downfall starts.
Is It Impossible To Find The Perfect Couple?
It’s not common to find a couple in total harmony. I can say you may find a few, but it’s a drop in the vast ocean of romanticized relationships (I was hoping that you understood this too).
I know that ‘Talk on Romantic love’ is always a never-ending subject and controversial too.
Are You Familiar With Dr. John Gottam’s “The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse”?
- Criticism – We all love to criticize and find fault with others if things are not up to our expectations. We make someone feel as though they did something wrong by criticizing them.
- Defensiveness – You never accept your mistakes and you always pass on the blame to your partner.
- Contempt – You always feel superior to your partner and show it with your behaviour. You tend to make fun of your partner all the time.
- Stonewalling – Because of constant irritation, one partner may stop the conversation or simply keep quiet.
I need not elaborate on each; you will know if your attitude falls under one of the above categories (That is enough to pinpoint the reason for the breakdown in the relationship).
Life Is A Farce
“Life is the farce which everyone has to perform.” — Arthur Rimbaud
Try to differentiate between authentic love and romanticized love.
Authentic love is natural but difficult to sustain since both parties must be brave enough to face the challenges till the end with enormous adjustments and sacrifices.
Whereas, romanticized love is easy since it’s temporarily based on bodily needs with certain dreams, illusion and glamour …waiting to evaporate into thin air.
Can Romantic Love Lead To Authentic Love?
Never, my friend.
But authentic love can lead to romantic love in which both persons can have a heavenly experience.
What Are My Thoughts?
Who am I to say ‘no’ to your romanticizing love?
But if you insist on my advice: I say, make your romance with your partner UNCONDITIONAL.
The moment you become:
- Stop being jealous and suspicious.
- Stop complaining and blaming.
- Stop expecting.
- Stop living in the past.
Then you are eligible to romanticize your love.
The Take-Home Message
“Relationships – It’s more than just the dates, holding hands, and kissing. It’s not about how many times you utter ‘I love you.’ It’s not about overdoing on Valentine’s Day. Not long hugs or writing love notes. It’s about accepting each other’s weirdness and flaws. It’s about being yourself and finding happiness together. It’s about seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” — Unknown
Please share your thoughts.
About the guest author:
Dr. Sridhar is the man behind Philosophy Through Photography.
This deep thinker from India wears many hats; he is a physician, a blogger, a philosopher and an amateur photographer.