Romanticizing ‘Love’

Is romanticizing ‘Love’ a waste of time? If so, how do you go about telling the younger generation that it is a flawed concept?

What Is Romance?

It’s a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

This is natural and perfectly OK.

What Is Romanticizing?

“To think about or describe something as being better or more attractive or interesting than it really is: to show, describe, or think about something in a romantic way.” — Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Please Be Forewarned

Please keep in mind that the term ROMANTICISM is used in varying contexts and can mean different things to different people.

In this post, I am stressing the Romanticization of love.

Expectation Versus Reality

The biggest problem in life is the image in our heads of how we think it should be!

“So learn one thing, that to expect is bad and that the world is not here to fulfill your expectations.” — Osho

How Best Can One Describe The Love Being ‘Romanticized’?

What better way I can explain other than giving some examples.

  • Red roses.
  • Unlimited showering of gifts.
  • Intimate dinners.
  • Not caring about the financial situation.
  • Thinking nothing but the other partner 24 hrs.
  • Neglecting your responsibilities.
  • Dreaming of intimate moments.
  • Watching the bright moon in the dark night with unlimited romantic passion.
  • Candlelight dinners on your birthdays/anniversaries.
  • Overacting on the birthdays of the other partner.
  • Nonstop conversation on the phone with the other partner.

And remember, these things are not permanent which either you cherish or regret or forget as time passes and you try to move on…

What Is Wrong In The Above Activities? Is This A Crime?

My friend, did I ever say so? Read further…

Romanticizing love results in expectations, followed by disappointments resulting in dejection even rejection!

This is because your fantasy is soon replaced by the reality of life.

At this point, lust has to get converted to unconditional love …an impossible task!

Now it’s your time to think deeply.

Are We Not Idealizing The Sacred Love?

Yes. Most of us are guilty and to be ashamed of.

We also know that ‘Love’ is the most powerful emotion in human life.

And idealizing love leads to toxic relationships, which we all experienced over time.

Do You Know Why We Romanticize Love?

We romanticize love because we were deeply influenced by:

  1. Books on eternal love stories.
  2. Magazines.
  3. Grandma tales.
  4. Movies of fairy tales and the characteristic notion of ‘Lived happily forever’ syndrome.
  5. Romantic TV soap operas adding their bit of spice.
  6. Too many poetic quotes /cinema writers quotes.

Romantic quotes do have a tremendous influence on the tender age; some examples of them are:

“Sometimes my eyes get jealous of my heart. Because you always remain close to my heart and far from my eyes.” — Unknown

“If I had to choose between breathing and loving you I would use my last breath to tell you I love you.” — DeAnna Anderson

“Can I curl up in your arms and let the beat of your heart soothe me to sleep? because that sounds absolutely lovely.” — Unknown

Is Romanticism Ingrained In Us?

The answer is ‘YES.’

The problem with us is that romanticization gets ingrained in our brains from the age of 8, based on the 6 reasons that I mentioned above.

  • The ingrained romantic beliefs and ‘love’ conquers all statements etc. results in the ‘conditioning’ of the people.
  • The mentality of possessiveness takes the upper hand.
  • Unhealthy competitions start taking shape.

Do I Mean To Say That There Is A Template For Romanticizing The Love?

Yes. It’s there. Recheck the template with the 6 points I mentioned above.

How Does The Template Encourage You?

In romanticism, you believe that true love means ‘acceptance’ and you expect your partner to be all in one (Lover, partner, soulmate, friend, caretaker, financier, accountant, housekeeper, entertainer …whatnot).

Humanly, it’s impossible to be an all-in-one!

You start demanding things.

Do You Know The Difference Between Romantic Love And Romantic Expectations?

Romantic beliefs are ingrained in you via culture/stories etc. from the age of 8 years.

In romantic expectation, one partner expects the other partner to change their behaviour and become the person they wish and thus the starting point of friction between the partners.

These fairy tales and romantic novels taking you nowhere and soon you realize that your ‘Life’ is frank with you and stares at you menacingly without hesitation!

Is Romanticizing ‘Love’ Worthy Of Your Time?

I know you are aghast with this query. Calm down. Think, think, think.

The so-called ‘Romantic love’ is nothing but fulfilling the body’s needs.

Romanticizing ‘Love’ is a bad idea.

Believe in me if I say, “Love has been commercialized!”

Don’t get excited over the ‘Soulmate’ theory.

Do You Believe In True Love?

“Believe me, I’ve had five divorces. Do you know what five divorces are? Five times I believed in love.” — Berlin, Money Heist 

What Happens When You Romanticize?

Are you familiar with the concept of a mirage? If you aren’t, I will put it into simple English for you; it’s an unrealistic hope that can’t be achieved. Understood?

“When someone is in love, they look through rose-tinted glasses. Everything’s wonderful. They transform into a soft teddy bear that’s smiling all the time.” — Professor in Money Heist

Why Don’t You Realize That ‘Romantic Love’ In Most Of The Situations End In A One-Sided Affair?

Initially, all is good and heavenly and once you indulge in romanticizing …all hell breaks loose!

“In the end, love is a good reason for everything to fall apart.” — Tokyo in Money Heist

What Is The Difference Between The Love And The Beloved?

“In matters of the heart, there is the lover and the beloved. The lover lives with passion, full commitment, and romanticism. The beloved is limited to being idolized.” — Palermo in Money Heist

What Is It That I Am Trying To Imply Here?

If you want to fall in love, go right ahead (There is nothing wrong with that).

The stage is all yours, but remember not to romanticize love because it would lead to you being disappointed and heartbroken.

Where Are Things Going Wrong?

My friend, failure pertaining to the matters of love, happens at one time or another; this is the nature of humans (You are wasting your time if you want to disprove this fact).

Humans are the most selfish lot and are full of deception.

The love they show is temporary and they may not even know or realize that it’s temporary. People change. Times change. Priorities change.

The problem with romanticizing love is that it leads to expectation and it is at this point that the downfall starts.

Is It Impossible To Find The Perfect Couple?

It’s not common to find a couple in total harmony. I can say you may find a few, but it’s a drop in the vast ocean of romanticized relationships (I was hoping that you understood this too).

I know that ‘Talk on Romantic love’ is always a never-ending subject and controversial too.

Are You Familiar With Dr. John Gottam’s “The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse”?

  1. Criticism – We all love to criticize and find fault with others if things are not up to our expectations. We make someone feel as though they did something wrong by criticizing them.
  2. Defensiveness – You never accept your mistakes and you always pass on the blame to your partner.
  3. Contempt – You always feel superior to your partner and show it with your behaviour. You tend to make fun of your partner all the time.
  4. Stonewalling  Because of constant irritation, one partner may stop the conversation or simply keep quiet.

I need not elaborate on each; you will know if your attitude falls under one of the above categories (That is enough to pinpoint the reason for the breakdown in the relationship).

Life Is A Farce

“Life is the farce which everyone has to perform.” — Arthur Rimbaud 

Try to differentiate between authentic love and romanticized love.

Authentic love is natural but difficult to sustain since both parties must be brave enough to face the challenges till the end with enormous adjustments and sacrifices.

Whereas, romanticized love is easy since it’s temporarily based on bodily needs with certain dreams, illusion and glamour …waiting to evaporate into thin air.

Can Romantic Love Lead To Authentic Love?

Never, my friend.

But authentic love can lead to romantic love in which both persons can have a heavenly experience.

What Are My Thoughts?

Who am I to say ‘no’ to your romanticizing love?

But if you insist on my advice: I say, make your romance with your partner UNCONDITIONAL.

The moment you become:

  • Non-judgmental.
  • Stop being jealous and suspicious.
  • Stop complaining and blaming.
  • Stop expecting.
  • Stop living in the past.

Then you are eligible to romanticize your love.

The Take-Home Message

“Relationships – It’s more than just the dates, holding hands, and kissing. It’s not about how many times you utter ‘I love you.’ It’s not about overdoing on Valentine’s Day. Not long hugs or writing love notes. It’s about accepting each other’s weirdness and flaws. It’s about being yourself and finding happiness together. It’s about seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” — Unknown

Please share your thoughts.

Thank you.

Namaste. 🙏🙏🙏

About the guest author:

Dr. Sridhar is the man behind Philosophy Through Photography.

This deep thinker from India wears many hats; he is a physician, a blogger, a philosopher and an amateur photographer.

Published by philosophy through photography

My philosophy is: Life is hard, but God is good. Try not to confuse the two. Anne F. Beiler

46 thoughts on “Romanticizing ‘Love’

  1. I dismissed the idea of relationships and marriage from my life a few years ago now. After three divorces, romance doesn’t exist for me. Life has been much better these days… If it works, don’t fix it!

    Liked by 4 people

      1. You are welcome. I freely admit to making plenty of mistakes in those relationships, to say otherwise would be a lie.

        However, I am not solely responsible for the failed marriages.

        I just can’t handle the cost of them anymore both emotionally and financially. My Single life has been peaceful in many ways, and the best years I’ve had in a very long time.

        Some of us are meant to be single in this life…

        Liked by 4 people

          1. I hope my being very direct hasn’t offended you.

            These are indeed the very best of times now because I know the family are all still well.

            I, they are isolated yet life could be very different. 🙏🏻🥰

            Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much Ann Aschauer.
      Thank you for the link.
      I enjoyed reading the narration.
      What a sweet and memorable nostalgia!
      The anniversary song you penned is so sweet …and what a feeling!
      Your statement about ‘Commitment’ from both the partners is so important from the relationship point.
      Enjoyed reading your article.🙏🙏🙏

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I believe in true romantic love. I do think, though, that you have to understand that the initial stages of exciting mystery will pass. If it is true love, it will transform to a deep love. The key is to be able to actually recognize it. I think that’s where people fall short and lose interest. Cherish those early memories because they are the seeds of the deep connection and understanding you grow over time. Realize it’s immature to want the giddy stage to last forever because that would cheat you out of the real meaningful connection, the one that gets you through hell together.

    Liked by 9 people

    1. Thank you so much Hetty Eliot.
      Agree with you regarding true romantic love.
      You have expressed beautifully!
      Brainy Dose talks of 5 stages in relationship.

      1.Romance stage. It is said this stage does not last longer than 2 years.Everyone of us undergo this stage and it’s natural. ( Love your terminology-GIDDY STAGE)
      Subsequent stage is make or break stage.

      2.Power struggle stage.( An important stage)This is where the misunderstanding starts because of the romanticisation of ‘Love’ and partners are likely to have egoistic tendencies…a starting point for Divorce.

      3.Stability stage- Once the partners are able to overcome the power struggle stage..stability stage sets in.Here the partners accept both good and bad qualities of each other and strive to strengthen the bond.Mutual acceptance happens and the partners start exploring newer ways to enjoy the relationship.

      4.Commitment stage-This is the stage our friend Ann Aschauer was mentioning in her link above.This stage is said to be ideal time for getting married.
      Majority get married during the romantic stage and land into failed relationship.In this ‘commitment stage’ both work for each other even sacrificing their passions.

      5.The bliss stage-The couple start enjoying the life in real sense and now they are in a better position to spare their time for betterment of the society.
      Lucky are the ones who reach this stage!

      Thanks again.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Thanks for this mini-lesson! Very interesting. It’s not always just about raw emotion, but recognizing where we are and making a decision to keep moving forward in the right direction.

        Liked by 4 people

  3. What is this “Money Heist” that you keep quoting, dear Philo?
    I very much agree with you. I’d like to add that one of the prominent Rabbis of our times defined Love as “Trust, Respect, and Admiration.” Once two people have these three feelings towards each other, romantic love will follow.
    P.S. My grandfather brought red roses for my grandmother ever Friday without fail, and my husband does the same for me.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you Dolly.
      ‘Money Heist’ ( La Casa De Papel ) is a Spanish Heist Crime Drama TV series,which won many awards.
      The characters have got so much to do with love,romance,betrayal etc and quotes are apt.
      The characters are are named after cities for strange reasons..
      It has 2 seasons each with two parts.
      It’s a fast paced serial, with full of action and suspense.
      The plot is very interesting and better one watches it without any spoilers.
      I felt Something unique about this particular serial,as compared to other serials of same Genre.
      It’s so engrossing.

      Rabbis are learned people and they know the best.’Trust,Respect & Admiration”….how true it is! I think majority of partners lack these three totally or one of them.

      Wow.Wow.What a great feeling that your better half brings Red Roses every Friday! And Grandfather too….Old is Gold. So sweet of them.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I agree that the majority of partners nowadays lack these feelings towards each other. I think it is because they mistake lust for love, as you very aptly note in your excellent post. There are apps now that are advertised as checking on partner’s social media communications. Mistrust is taken for granted and commercialized. There is no room for love in this kind of relationships, and no respect.

        Liked by 3 people

        1. I always used wonder why it is so with majority of the partners! And you clearly explained about confusing lust with love.
          Wow..I never knew that there are apps to track partners activities.My God!
          from where to where we are going!!
          Thank you Dolly

          Liked by 2 people

          1. I was shocked myself when I saw those apps advertised. I think we are going from morals that sometimes were too strict in certain cultures to total immorality as a reaction to restrictions. I expect that eventually there will be an opposite reaction to that.

            Liked by 2 people

        2. I always used wonder why it is so with majority of the partners! And you clearly explained about confusing lust with love. Wow..I never knew that there are apps to track partners activities.My God! from where to where we are going!! Thank you Dolly

          Liked by 1 person

  4. As usual, a well-written informative piece, dear Philo! I feel sometimes “the thrill of the chase” is mistaken for love. Once that ends, the infatuation loses its luster. With that said, I believe there can be love for another in its truest form.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I have never believed in Romance, but I do believe in Love. And after reading your blog about Romanticizing Love, I have come to realise that I am not the only one who finds romance a fantasy.
    My own definition of Love is ” give without expecting anything in return, but love the way you would love to be loved.”

    Liked by 4 people

  6. When love is love is rooted in God’s principle, relationship & marriage will become blissful. Apostle Paul wrote the best principle of love. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ love the church and wives are to submit to their husbands. Another thing is that if the principle of “an eye for an eye” can be done away in relationship and marriage, there would be a bliss.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So beautifully you have put it Chris Adedoyin.
      Thank you so much for this.
      Both the partners should have total dedication and some give and take adjustments.
      As you rightly put, keeping egoes aside and without ‘an eye for an eye’ attitude….the relationship becomes a bliss

      Like

  7. Yes.
    What it boils down to is people need to keep it real. It must be understood that love is a choice and that the fairy tales are simply that. Fairytales. They are not real. If people can keep it real and choose to love as an act of their own will with both parties being selfless, loyal, and committed, they cannot go wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

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